This Spring is different from past seasons.
Maybe because there is a more physical aspect to the change that has been occurring in my life.
A marriage ended, a new relationship budding.
Five years since my daughter passed and a new baby on the way.
My little ones are growing up, no longer at home with me, my eldest is in kindergarten. She is learning and absorbing so much. Each new discovery is a new joy that she eagerly shares.
The youngest is nearly four and brings such love to my life. He still cuddles close to me and yet his inner pirate leads him into new adventures where problem solving and new story lines are created.
And than my Mychaela; she would have been five this Saturday. And the guilt this year is that it is beginning to feel more like history. Her story and spirit will forever be a part of mine, but the loss is no longer as present. Instead she has gifted me with her guidance, my turmoil has been given some peace.
It has taken five years for the ten months I carried her in my womb.
My heart wonders how other parents/spouses are able to cope with those they lost whom they've known for much longer.
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