Pain, Love and Moving Forward

I recently posted this little thought of mine on Facebook,
"I have held so many broken pieces of my life already.
On a few occasions I have felt like throwing them in the air and hoping that the wind would blow them away... but inevitably they land like stones at my feet. I must pick them up and hold them, looking to see what I can learn.  I lay the shards in front of me and a path is formed; not a perfect walk way by any means.  Rather it is now my work to labor, to move forward, and to no longer carry a burden of brokenness as punishment."

One thing I am learning about relationships is that there really is no normal. I can compare and contrast the good, bad and ugly but the reality is that the "normal" can only be established by the relationships that I maintain. That is the litmus test as they say.

And so I go from one relationship where arguments were few and far between (totally not normal) to one where the disagreements tend to occur on a more regular weekly basis. And after a lot of thinking I don't think this is normal either.

The disagreements are never "let's agree to disagree" and amicable but he is left feeling frustrated and not heard and I'm just confused and hurt.
One thing from my previous marriage that took years for me to learn was to not let others perception of who I am be the truth of who I am.
Sadly, if I was able to define this for myself earlier I would have been a much stronger woman.

I know I am a caring and kind woman. Yet I am told that when I ask a question such as, "Would you like to watch a detective show?" It becomes an intense one-sided conversation where I never say what I want, I ask questions to get what I want as a form of manipulation and/or deflection, and that I can't answer a simple yes or no question.  Inevitably this is followed by a quiet spell and a text telling me not to worry about lunch, chores, plans, etc. that he took care of it.

It seems that he wants me to just say what I want.

When the time comes for things that I do want I say them.  Most of the time, because we both enjoy similar things, I want to hear what he would like to do; especially on the weekends because he does work so hard for our family.  I consider it my joy and pleasure to do those family things, or couple things together. I consider it honoring him if  he also needs those alone moments as well.

But it isn't received that way. Instead what I would consider my kindness and caring is rejected and turned instead to an awful character flaw and that is just hurtful. And I will not your characterization and take on the punishment of your distrust.