Too Long, too long

Well LOTS has been happening the past couple of months.
Mostly, I am back to work...I forget how working just 40 hours a week makes the time go by so quickly.  Thankfully I enjoy my job and have even made a few lunch time buddies.
The stories I can tell of my time there, but that will have to wait for another entry :)

I have been going to several Al-anon meetings which have been somewhat helpful...but...yes there is a but! They "say" there is no religious blah, blah, blah, but the slogans, the surrender to a higher power's will (who is most always male with an occasional nod to non-gender specific) has become to feel somewhat uncomfortable. 

I talked about this with James who has similar concerns because of the "addictive" nature of some of those groups. Not that the initial support may be helpful to some but if you haven't grown up in an Christian home or no longer subscribe to Christian beliefs it begins to feel...what's the word?

Anyway look at what he found: http://www.smartrecovery.org/

It will be interesting to see the difference of a non-spiritual based group in mindsets and self discovery.
As we have been talking he appears to be over the fact of alcoholism as a disease (though he doesn't discount it) but wants to focus it more on behavior/choice. So since he is required to do some sort of alcohol and Domestic Violence therapy it will be behavioral based....it's sort of strange this whole self discovery thing.

It's not that the 12 steps aren't helpful, but surrendering to yourself and the CHOICES made by yourself is a much more difficult task than surrendering your will to a higher power. It makes the individual responsible not only for the hurt they have caused but also for the healing that is ongoing.

I will have to shift my expectations from the cultural expectation of attending a traditional 12 step program and in someways I will be dealing with myself. Hey, I got a head start in my pagan mindset! Because my actions have a direct impact on my surroundings :)
I am not a puppet to god, my higher power and I, at the very least can be co-conspirators, mutually adoring each other and challenging preconceived notions of divine relationship.

In other news my little altar space outside needs to be watered and than it's off to work! After all, despite the hardship of the past 6 months I have continued living! How blessed I am in friends and fortune.